Emotional Eating

Yesterday, I did the brute force thing with exercise, and it felt great. I was totally feeling good about everything and all was well. Then I cooked dinner, and my stepdaughter did not like it. I suppose there is something to be said for just letting it go and not taking it personally, and I have talked to myself and tried to approach it that way, but I just don't seem to be able to do so. It really does hurt my feelings, my cooking is not that atrocious! Anyway, the point of this post is not what upset me, but the response.

Immediately after being upset, all I wanted to do was eat. Now mind you, I had just eaten dinner, and was full, but I didn't care. I wanted cookies or ice cream or anything that would be fattening. I wanted it with a huge, burning fire desire baby. I decided to go to sleep instead, which led to me sleeping for about 9 hours, after sleeping 4 hours earlier in the day. Initially, I am okay with this response, as it was better to sleep than to gorge myself, but I can't go to sleep every time something upsets me. Obviously I also cannot give in to the desire to eat fattening foods every time I am upset either. I have to find a solution to this problem. I know that this means finding a different way of dealing with my stress, a way to redirect the urge positively. I am really at a loss. Talking about it really doesn't help, because the only thing I am thinking about when talking about it is, screw it, who cares, just eat whatever you want, it's not worth it.

Another thing that makes it hard to stay on track food wise is the fact that I have such a long ways to go. I mean, I don't have 20 or 50 pounds to lose, I have 140 pounds to lose. They say you should make small goals and just work towards those instead of looking at the bigger picture. Ok, yeah, that sounds good and all, but for me, I can see a littler goal, I can work towards a littler goal, but it is still in the back of my mind that I have a looooong ways to go. It is going to take >year to lose all that weight, maybe even 2. I am proud of being on the program for what, 5 days? I know you have to start somewhere, but I am looking forward to having been successful for a longer period of time, and having lost a considerably larger amount of weight.

Ok, so in the spirit of following my own advice, I am setting a smaller goal today. I am going to work towards the goal of reaching the weight of 250. I have not been that small(small, really? LOL) since before I got pregnant with Patrick. That would be 15 years ago. That is only 38 pounds, and definitely a goal that would feel damned good! Ok, so, mini goal set!

Until next time...